They’ve partied with the Castros, attended fundraisers with the Clintons and gone hunting with Elton John.
There are several ways to discern that the Rose family, before they washed up on the shores of Schitt’s Creek, was mega-rich. One, they remind us constantly. Two, their combined wardrobe contains enough luxury designer threads—Wang! Owens! McQueen! Marant!—to fill a massive concept store, or at the very least, “a boutique in Prague that’s only open Sunday nights.” Three, they’re forever dropping breadcrumbs about their former lives, offering us little peeks at the Roses of yore.
By now we know that Johnny and Moira have partied with the Castros (and the Clintons and the Schwarzeneggers), David’s got some not-so-fond memories with Anderson Cooper and Nate Berkus in his past, and Alexis… well, US Weekly once described her as “up for anything,” and so far we know that includes a blind date with Leonardo DiCaprio, a tryst with an unnamed Saudi prince, and a relationship with a Sultan’s nephew that lasted “like, half a regime change.”
Read on for every celebrity encounter the Roses have revealed to us so far.
Season 1
Episode 1
Alexis: “Stavros is flying in to get me, I told you that.”
David: “What do you mean Stavros is… What do you mean? When? When is he doing that?”
Alexis: “Like, whenever stupid Mary-Kate stops hogging his plane.
”
Alexis: “I actually think this place is kinda cute.”
Moira: “Did you say cute? No Alexis, Martha Stewart’s Hampton home is cute.
”
Alexis: “Stavros just texted me. And he ended it, he’s not coming! He said he doesn’t have time to come and get me, because he already RSVP’d to Diddy’s White Party, and doesn’t have time to do both! But I was supposed to be his date to the White Party! ”
Episode 7
David: “Are you sure you wanna be travelling so far out of town with a person you just met?”
Alexis: “I went on a blind date to Bali with Leo, so… I’m pretty sure I’m gonna be fine.
”
Ronnie: “You ever killed before?”
David: “Have I ever killed before? No. Elton John used to have an annual hunt at his place in Windsor, but that was more about the lunch.”
Episode 12
Johnny: “You didn’t think your mother would get involved in planning a fundraiser? My God, she had Hillary shaking last year at the Clinton Foundation dinner.”
Episode 13
Johnny: “Hey, that’s a good coat. I outbid Richard Branson for it at the Kaminski Auction.”
Season 2
Episode 1
Alexis: “Do I have to remind you of the time that I was taken hostage on David Geffen’s yacht by Somali pirates for a week, and nobody answered my texts?!”
Alexis: “You told me that Diane Sawyer gave you that bag, and that it was fake.”
Moira: “I didn’t want you taking it.”
Alexis: “Okay, because I have told a lot of people that Diane Sawyer sells fake bags on the down-low.”
Episode 5
David: “Do you like this sweater? Jared Leto gave it to me and I’ve always been on the fence about it.”
Alexis: “I don’t know.”
David: “What do you mean, you don’t know? You either like it, or you don’t like it.”
Alexis: “I mean, I like it ’cause Jared Leto gave it to you, and he was my first kiss, but I don’t know if I like, like it, like it.”
Episode 6
Moira: “Do you remember what Goldie Hawn told us at that AmFar dinner? ‘You are the life that you accept for yourself.’ Those are Goldie’s words. Or something someone said to her in India. Or perhaps she read it. In any case it has always stayed with me.”
David: “Scent is a really important factor in defining a brand. Alexander Wang once fired my friend over the smell of his cologne. To Alex’s credit, Curve Pour Hommes hasn’t been the look since 1997.”
Ronnie: “Usually these council decisions, they take weeks.”
Moira: “Oh I won’t wait for anyone’s decision. I once got Winnie Mandela to RSVP to an Artists Against Eczema benefit within the hour.”
Episode 9
Moira: “I did a series of very tasteful nudes with Richard Avedon in the ’70s.”
Stevie: “I see. Um… This is really not in my job description so…”
Moira: “Why aren’t they coming up?”
Episode 10
Moira: “Needless to say, that was the last time I played charades with Fran Lebowitz.”
Episode 12
Alexis: “I know that we just met but if Prince Harry trusted me with his life, then I think you can too.”
Season 3
Episode 6
Moira: “John and I used to attend Eyes Wide Shut parties at the Castros’. Though… I’m guessing your evening’s activities might be somewhat different.”
Alexis: “I can’t go to college, yet. Because I didn’t finish high school.”
Ted: “Oh.”
Alexis: “I know. It’s so embarrassing, and I never should’ve taken that semester off. But I did meet Beyonce in Mykonos, so it was almost worth it.”
Episode 7
Jocelyn: “So here’s the thing about Marie Antoinette. Even though I love to eat cake, I think I’d be pretty annoyed with her myself. I do see your hand up Alexis, it’s just that you probably haven’t had a chance to catch up.”
Alexis: “Okay, it’s just that she never actually said “let them eat cake.””
Jocelyn: “Um well, that depends on who you ask.”
Alexis: “Hmm, well, I asked Kirsten Dunst, who played her in the movie. Um, that line was actually written years before Marie Antoinette allegedly said it. And um, Kirsten also told me at the premiere that she was jealous of my bangs.”
Jocelyn: “Thank you for that contribution to the discussion, now…”
Alexis: “My friends used to call me Marie, and that was mainly because I was casually seeing Prince Harry, so there was the whole like, is she gonna be a princess thing, um, but it’s also because we were going through this very dark phase where we were just like, partying too hard.”
Alexis: “I stole this dress from Ashlee Simpson. Or like, she stole it from me, and then I stole it back.”
Season 4
Episode 3
Moira: “I know all about being left in the lurch for a fundraiser. Eva Longoria and I were supposed to perform our ventriloquist act for the Everybody Nose benefit for juvenile rhinoplasty, when she suddenly drops out due to exhaustion. I had to be both puppet, and puppeteer.”
David: “You didn’t even play Patty, though.”
Moira: “You know I did! The night Patricia LuPone ate that pre-show shawarma, and I was asked to step in. I’ve always wanted to reprise the role.”
Episode 5
Moira: “This is not… not how I imagined my resurrection news to break! ‘Impeccably dressed woman wanders out of Podunk motel.’ No, that’s not the headline!”
Stevie: “Okay, well I actually own this Podunk motel, and I don’t know what choice you have.”
Moira: “Well, we have to think of something. After all my fans have endured? No, I can’t let them see me like this. It would kill Sir Tony Geary.”
Episode 7
Alexis: “I used to text Zac Efron just, like, a question mark whenever I wanted a booty call.
Poor thing would be, like, buzzing my apartment before I even pressed send.”
Episode 8
Alexis: “Ted can’t know about this, David. Miguel’s the only other vet in town, and they have this, like, dumb rivalry.”
David: “When has that ever stopped you? I remember that summer you dated all three Hanson brothers.”
Episode 11
Moira: “There was that summer that Jimmy Smits stole my heart onstage in a workshop-only production of Officer and a Gentleman. I suppose that might be called emotional embezzlement.”
Christmas Special
Patrick: “Are we supposed to be doing anything for this party?”
David: “Um, yes, decorations, but even if we could still afford Nate Berkus, I’d burned that bridge in Ibiza.”
Johnny: “You know, in the old days, I stood by your side no matter how you wanted to spend the holidays. Whether it was heading to Miami for Puff Daddy’s Poolside White Party, or that uncomfortable tree trimming at Arnold and Maria’s. How ’bout the night you wore your fur coat to the PETA Christmas Fundraiser?”
Moira: “I heard Peter Fundraiser! Bogdanovich loved a mink.”
Season 5
Episode 1
Patrick: “Why would he agree do this when he’s afraid of heights?”
Alexi: “He’s not afraid of heights, he’s afraid of moths and butterflies.”
Ted: “And businesswomen in sneakers.”
Patrick: “And also heights, something to do with him being broken up with while he was…”
Alexis: “Parasailing in the Seychelles! He and Anderson Cooper were stuck up there for like, three hours, until the wind died down!”
Episode 2
Alexis: “I have a toe ring that would look so cute on you!”
Twyla: “We’re not allowed to wear open-toed shoes, but um maybe I could take that bracelet?”
Alexis: “Yes! Um, I actually got this in a swap with Sienna Miller. And by that I mean it fell off her wrist at a Halloween party, and I kept it.”
Episode 3
Alexis: “Um did I leave a Q-tip in or did you just tell me that you guys are getting an apartment together?”
David: “We’re just going to look.”
Alexis: “Yeah and Adam Levine and I just went for bubble tea.”
Episode 6
Moira: “Oh I’m not above a naughty night of debauchery. When Condi Rice and Sharon Stone and I used to make our annual casino sojourn to Ho Chi Minh City… well lets just say toi khong bao gio thua.”
David: “I think it’s important for Patrick to experience other people in order to realize how good he has it with me.”
Alexis: “What if he doesn’t come to that realization? Every time I did that with a boyfriend, I’d send them off with someone who, like, wasn’t a threat, like Pippa Middleton or Rihanna.”
Alexis: “This is why you have ground rules, David. Josh Groban has a thick leather-bound binder full of them.”
Moira: “I’m thinking of a particular night in Monaco with Maggie Trudeau and The Rolling Stones.”
Jocelyn: “You rocked out with the Stones?”
Moira: “All except Charlie but every party has a pooper.”
Episode 7
Ted: “That was fun but maybe we can start telling some stories about someone else who was naked and crying.”
Alexis: “Okay fine but I think everyone here has already heard about my Vin Diesel adventure.”
Episode 9
Alexis: “If this is anything like my first day with the Pussycat Dolls, it’ll be a couple of hours of Kegels, and then an afternoon of cheeky Bellinis.”
Stevie: “It’s just a lot of pressure.”
Alexis: “Don’t even worry about it. I got your back today, girl. Just like Nicole Scherzinger did for me.”
Episode 12
David: “When she was coaching me for the Little Mister pageant I made the mistake of going to Mario Lopez for advice. He was hosting at the time.”
Alexis: “What about long distance? I once maintained a successful, semi-committed, text relationship with Josh Hartnett while he was shooting Pearl Harbour.”
Season 6
Episode 1
Johnny: “Does this not remind you of the wellness retreat we went to in Evian right after Alexis ended things with Sean Penn?”
Moira: “I’ve never been more lucid and I’m including that Peruvian ayahuasca retreat we embarked upon with Al and Tipper.”
David: “You mixed up the day and the month on your ticket again, didn’t you?”
Alexis: “No. No!”
David: “Like that time you showed up to Kate Winslet’s wedding a month late.”
Alexis: “The calligraphy was hard to read and Billy Zane also did the same thing, David!”
Episode 2
Moira: “We have our very own digital soapbox here. It reminds me of the Nickelodeon pilot I did in which Ashley Tisdale and I played suffragettes. You remember, You Go, Girl.”
Episode 4
Alexis: “Think of all the people on the planet who find someone. Somehow you’re one of those people.”
David: “I don’t know how to take that.”
Alexis: “I mean you didn’t end up marrying JC Chasez or Jenna Elfman but I actually kind of feel like Patrick’s the best of both of them.”
Alexis: “Imagine what I can do with your bachelor party, David. Diplo still sends me nudes.”
Stevie: “I’m starting to realize that there’s a lot more to this job than I thought.”
Alexis: “Tell me about it. I once planned Megan Fox’s bachelorette on this tiny island off the coast of Montenegro where nothing is illegal. Like, nothing.”